What are the top ten behaviors that would definitely make you go get
berserk medieval on someone’s ass inside the cinema?
- Not keeping your mobile on silent mode. Not everyone needs to be subject to “Gangnam Style” blaring in the midst of a tear-jerking scene. Especially if it’s your ringtone.
- Listening to MP3s/playing games on your smartphone. Save your Php150-300 and sound-trip/play Angry Birds or Temple Run to your heart’s content outside the movie house. I don’t care if you’ve got Beats By Dr. Dre earphones to muffle the resultant racket.
- Spoiler-happy nerds. So you know what’s going to happen to your shipping couple at the end of a movie ‘coz:
a – your Facebook/Twitter bud clued you in on the ending
b – you downloaded an illegal screener copy (often with Russian/Korean subtitles)
For the first one, keep the privy info to yourself, jack-ass. For the second one, somebody oughta sic the Optical Media Board (or the local IP law enforcement authorities wherever you are) upon him/her.
- Excessive munching of chips or any other junk food. Someone oughta remind Fatso at my back to try nibbling on something less noisy and/or smelly…like, let’s say, carrot sticks or celery stalks instead of MONSTER servings of jalapeño cheese nachos.
- Over-amorous couples. Get a (motel) room, for fuck’s sake!!!
- Laughing hyenas. Prevalent especially in comedies. Cinema security should check if he/she may be under chemical influence of any kind.
- “The Family That Watches Together…Stays Together”. Comes in two flavors: a – Dad, Mom, and the kit-n-kaboodle o’kids (not to mention the help), or b – Young Mom forced to drag along her little kid ‘coz no one can look after him/her at home. Good luck trying to keep the li’l whipper-snappers in line (especially when said film is PG-13)
- Freebie codgers. With more and more city-based movie houses providing free entrance to senior citizens, expect to be bothered by some wrinkly ol’ coot who keeps bugging you about why “young people of today shouldn’t be running around in their altogether all of the time”, eventually rambling about the decay of morals in today’s society, yada yada yada…zzzz
- General disregard of sanitation. We’re talking here about both personal sanitation and proper waste disposal. First things first, how about washing up a bit before hitting the cinema (BO + AC = not a good combination). Then, as a corollary to Excessive munching of chips or any other junk food, it’s bad enough to have us bear the onion-y smell of your shawarma, how about making sure the residue doesn’t stink the moviehouse for prospective audiences?
- Sorry, wrong target market. Typical macho guy get coerced by his girlfriend to a movie date for the nth installment of this popular Young Adult™ series adaptation. Naturally, girl squeals at the leading man’s Abs™ and his Smouldering Eyes™ as he wins the heart of the plucky heroine (cue requisite FX). Meanwhile, perplexed macho can’t help but secretly wish he was in another part of the multiplex seeing sweaty, muscular heroes blow shit up. More often than not, results into Over-amorous couples if poor guy follows the charade.
Please feel free to enter your personal pet peeves inside your local cinema.
(apologies to browngirlnextdoor.com for above image)