Guardians 101

It’s barely 2 days till Guardians Of The Galaxy – properly, Marvel’s Guardians Of The Galaxy – hits local theaters, but Marvel Studios has been leaving no stone unturned to ensure that global audiences are made aware that there is more up their sleeve than Spider-Man, Wolverine and the Avengers.

Just WTF are The Guardians Of The Galaxy?

Just another “bunch of a-holes” as per Rhomann Dey of the Nova Corps?

Classic 80’s-era space threads. Sweet!

First off, you have Peter Jason Quill, aka “Star-Lord™”

Born of an illicit union between a married Earthwoman and alien royalty, Quill joins NASA as an astronaut, only to find out about his extra-terrestrial heritage.  After coming to the aid of The Fallen One, a former herald for Galactus the World-Eater, then sets off for a life as an intergalactic outlaw, calling himself Star-Lord™ and his motley crew of mercenaries the “Guardians Of The Galaxy”

I’d like to see her team up with She-Hulk one time

Next, you got the glamorous green-skinned assassin Gamora

The last of the Zen Whoberis, a race wiped out as a result of religious zealotry, she was adopted by Thanos to be his daughter and chief blood-letter.  A master of bladed weapons and all martial arts styles, Gamora is also blessed with a lack of conscience to make her killings more effortless.

Sure beats ‘rasslin’…and gettin’ no respect!!!


Let’s not forget Drax The Destroyer

You have Arthur Douglas, happy family man and real estate agent.  He unwittingly witnesses a chance fly-by by Thanos – and his car, along with him and his family, becomes toast.  However, Mentor, Thanos’ dad, happened to be watching from his corner of space – so he had Douglas resurrected in the form of Drax The Destroyer.  Greatest claim to fame – he kicked THANOS’ butt!

Please spare me the nut jokes…have been around them long enough to throw up at the slightest mention of these!!!

How can we not leave out Rocket and Groot!!!

Yeah, you have Rocket Raccoon, erstwhile attendant of a inter-galactic psych-ward, now master gunfighter and gadgeteer to this ragtag bunch. Yeah, FYI, it just so happens that he belongs to a race that happens to look like Earth raccoons,  so don’t try to call him one to his face (unless you’re risking a face-full of laser)

Yeah, I’ve been around…

As for Groot…”The Monster From Planet X” is an outcast among his race of living trees for his fealty to animal life.  In spite of a vocabulary limited to just three words, this tree-creature is every bit as tough as Drax and just as smart as his best furball friend Rocket.

But wait….WAAAAIT!!!!

This is just the second incarnation of the team.

(l-r) Vance Astro, Charlie-27, Martinex & Yondu. Old-skool Guardians Of The Galaxy indeed.

The original was equally just as rag-tag…you have a 20th century astronaut popsicled Captain America-style into the 30th, a half-Plutonian, half-African American with a crystalline body, a Jovian whose heavyworlder physiology serves him well as the team muscle,  and a blue-skinned Centauri brave who can make like Aquaman with any planet’s fauna (predating James Cameron’s Avatar with his pseudo-Native American stand-ins by nearly a half-century)

Crazy much?  Suffice to say that the series was first created in 1969 by Gene Colan and Arnold Drake.  (No Stan Lee credit here…possibly means no cameo in upcoming movie).  Over the years, the Guardians’ revolving membership has included the likes of Avengers Yellowjacket and Iron Man, as well as Adam Warlock, Captain Mar-Vell and the Flash Thompson Venom.

The Guardians tool around space in a freakin’ sweet ride called the Milano.

A sweet ride indeed…does it come with an 8-track?

Not as big as SHIELD’s Heli-Carrier or even The Authority‘s aptly named Carrier, but this baby moves just as fast as the Millenium Falcon.


4 thoughts on “Guardians 101

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