Fun times await the DC Universe
In a month’s time, DC Entertainment and Warner Bros. are going to unveil their entry in the all-important Summer Blockbuster™ sweepstakes. This promises to be yet another game-changer in a genre that had the esteemed auteur Steven Spielberg comparing its surge in popularity to Westerns in his boyhood years.
(Ho ho, ha HA ha ha, it’s me, again, Deadpool, again breaking ze foorth wall as usual. Y’see, I was going to write up something about my favourite bunch of roguish miscreants and all-around SOBs but I got called again to undertake a hush-hush assignment, so I left some rough drafts for my friend – this here blogger – to make sense of all that mish-a-mash *notices annoyed glare* Ooopsie – all righty then, henceforth, all my contributions shall be rendered in italics, with the DP byline at the end – DP)
I hope that you understand my friend’s somewhat unique sense of humour here – it appears that I have found a kindred spirit in Wade Wilson. I have somewhat resigned myself to the fact that I shall be playing straight man to The Merc With A Mouth. Well, for starters, it does have its pay-offs – I feed him my encyclopaedic knowledge of ’80s pop culture (especially music!) and I get a wing-man who’s never gonna (give you up, never gonna – DP) let you down (never gonna run around and desert you -DP) Now that recent changes in my employment have given me more free time to write, I get home and find all these sheets of paper with Wadey’s dissertation about the Suicide Squad.
(Who? – DP *channeling Korvac in Guardians of the Galaxy*)
You take a bunch of mid-level DC Comics villains, put them together with some washed-out good guys, and have them work for good ol’ Uncle Sam in missions too dangerous for the squeaky-clean tights-wearers in the Justice League to handle. In short, suicide missions, hence the handle “Suicide Squad” (for those who used to catch the DCAU version of the Justice League, they are known as Task Force X, simply because Standards & Practices won’t stand for kids offing themselves just like that). The original concept was established in 1962 by DC writers Robert Kanigher and artist Russ Andru; given the former’s expertise in war comics (he created Sgt. Rock for DC), they were generally a paramilitary support unit that specialised in taking down super-villains.
The Squad that we ALL know – a bunch of really B-level expendable baddies pressed into black-ops jobs by the government in exchange for pardons/reduced prison sentences with a high chance of at least one of them dying – came about just as the dust was clearing from the Crisis On Infinite Earths. When it wasn’t delivering the thrills of seeing super-villains fighting for the side of good (lest getting their heads blown up by remote), it also focused on the motivations behind their descent into (small-time villainy); their exploits tend to be rather gritty, taking place at real-life political hotspots of the time. More often than not, the Squad often find themselves pawns of political intrigue back home, while their own supervisor Amanda Waller herself would wind up in and out of jail herself.
The Squad and Waller both answer to ARGUS (Advanced Research Group Uniting Super-Humans…it’s a tad like DC’s version of SHIELD, and then some). It is her formidable job to whip this bunch of all-around sons (and daughters) of bitches into shape (after all, she managed to even get The Dark Knight quaking in his Bat-boots), so let me do the honours to show you what she’d be facing…
As played by: Margot Robbie (hubba hubba…fap fap fapfapfapfap – DP)
Joker’s right-hand moll armed with her boss’ legendary
dark black humour, only reinforced with her trademark mallet, She plays the sexy up as a way of distracting her (largely male) opponents, but when the gloves are off – get ready for mayhem (Me likey likeylikeylikey!!! – DP)
As played by: Karen Fukuhara
A Japanese swordswoman whose titular weapon (a long blade favoured by Japanese samurai) is capable of sucking the souls out of its victims.
A lot like Stormbringer in Michael Moorcock’s Elric – only thing is that it isn’t sentient/vampiric.
As played by: Will Smith
(Hey’s Big Willie’s now rocking the chrome-dome look!!! Nice try taping back those jug ears of yours – DP)
Floyd Lawton, AKA “the man who never misses”….a sniper with nigh-impeccable aiming skills. (You mean, a lot like my friend Bullseye? – DP)
A single father who used his skill to get himself out of the ghetto, he remains very protective to his loved ones in spite of his mercenary reputation. He is known for his unwavering professionalism in which he carries his assignments – as well as his unshakeable death wish, which makes him a perfect fit for an organisation called “Suicide Squad” (Geez. Aren’t some people supposed to get it already??? – DP)
As played by: Joel Kinnaman
A Special Forces veteran assigned as field commander for the team, he is the only one (apart from Deadshot) in the group without any meta-talents. However, it takes major cojónes to whip one including some super-powered sociopaths (and one bad-ass psychopath) in place as a fighting mercenary team.
As played by: Jay Hernandez
Chato Santana is a pyrokinetic ex-gangbanger from the mean streets of Los Angeles. He chooses to join the Squad to atone for his violent past.
As played by: Jai Courtney
Digger Harkness is an Australian freelance mercenary who owes his monicker to his proficiency with said weapon. His facial hair is said to resemble yet another comic-book character famously portrayed on screen by one of his countrymen. Pretty much the load to this team – he’s such a craven coward, on top of being a total dickhead.
As played by:
Corey Taylor Adam Beach
Christopher Weiss earns his name for his specialisation in ropes and knots. He even reinforces his ropes with a chemical additive that makes their knots nearly impossible to untie or break free.
As played by: Cara DeLevigne
June Moone was a freelance artist who then discovers her alter-ego and the magical powers it entails while attending a costume party; in the film, she is an archaeologist (Holy Indiana Jones, Batman!!!) who encounters that alter-ego during an expedition. She joins the Suicide Squad as an attempt to control the manifestations of said supernatural persona.
As played by: Adewale Akinnouje-Agbaje
Kinda like the equivalent of The Fantastic Four’s Thing, he is the team’s resident muscle. His skin condition has made him resemble a crocodile forced into human form, with motivations and appetite to match. He even wears a jacket made out of – not kidding you here – CROCODILE SKIN, just to drive the point home (must be darn hot under the outfit – no wonder he is so pissed)
Apparently, Killer Croc was drafted into the film as an expy for King Shark, who was used twice in Season 2 of CW’s The Flash.
As played by: Jared Leto
Well, you can call me also the reason behind Ben Affleck’s promised Bat-cameo…but I still want to be referred to properly as the Clown Prince of Crime™.
Looks like my work’s gonna be cut out for me…well, who can obviously top Heath Ledger’s portrayal, which practically knocks it out of the ball park!!! No malice intended towards the dead, though, but did he go out of his way to get all tatt’ed up like pretty ol’ me??? Does he send totally weird gifts to my cast mates just to freak them out completely???
(Say hey, Mister J, can we be new BFFs??? I love the way that you have absolutely NO concept of personal space or propriety. Given my habit of repeatedly breakin’ fourth-walls, I guess we can learn from each other… – DP)
Other notable Suicide Squad members include:
Bronze Tiger, a skilled martial artist who has pitted his skills against Batman
Plastique, a terrorist specialising in explosives
Nightshade, a metahuman who can teleport and manipulate darkness
King Shark, a humanoid hammerhead shark, with all the blood-thirsty ferocity to match
Count Vertigo, with the ability to affect opponents’ sense of balance
Vixen, an African-American model with the ability to channel the powers of jungle animals
Black Manta, a longtime adversary of Aquaman, whose exo-suit gives him the super-strength needed to survive the crushing pressure of the ocean depths
Cheetah, a Wonder Woman villain blessed with the strength and speed of her namesake animal
Hopefully, they may join the roster in possible sequels.
The super-villainous festivities begin August 5 worldwide.
(Meanwhile, let me share an interesting anecdote about what took place behind the scenes during the making of Deadpool. While shooting takes of our calendar-themed roll-in-the-hay with Vanessa, actress Morena Baccarin has this to say about the sex lives of comic-book superheroes. *warning may contain NSFW imagery* Does Superman carefully control his super-thrusts so that he doesn’t wreck Lois Lane’s coochie? Does Green Arrow take prcautions against Black Canary unleashing her Canary Cry when, uhm, er, doing the deed with her? – DP)